so i decided to write a bit.
maybe all this typing will help me sort out my thoughts.
It's funny how one minute you think you have life figured out, and then something hits you, like an seemingly obscure statement, and your whole perception of life is altered. I always thought that school needed to be your first priority...until today when a friend "rocked my world" and told me it was just MY priority. When I was in elementary (and Ohio School, for those of you who know this aspect of my childhood), I was the annoying kid who:
a) did all the (unnecessary) extra credit
b) did extra reports and dioramas for fun, voluntarily
c) frequently wore windpants
You may ask why, but I have no answer. To pacify parents and suck up to teachers, yes, but it was (is) more than that; I compete against myself. It isn't striving to be MY best, but THE best, for pride's sake. I can't seem to be satisfied...ever. Now, it seems to translate into my studio work, and get in the way of sincerely enjoying life and giving up my time and talents to God. It was senior night in Navs today, and the common theme was to invest in friendships, and to ask yourself, what moments will i remember most from college? Even more now that I am living off-campus, when I come home, I retreat to my third-floor hideaway...and slave-away on "pride pieces" cleverly disguised as homework. I am searching for freedom, freedom like when you twirl barefoot in a giant field of wheat, and all you can hear is the rustle of the grain and only feel the wind tangling your hair. Amongst all the layouts and XActos, I have lost my way; I can't find the field. God, how can I be in school and get to the field?
tired now.
i feel so exposed.
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